


20 Randoms Facts About Hogwarts

by FairyNiamh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 20 Random Facts, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-02
Updated: 2006-11-02
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:30:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wonder what Hogwart's Castle sees and thinks? *Sexual situations implied*</p>
            </blockquote>





	20 Randoms Facts About Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, Only the sick twisted thoughts that prompted me.
> 
> A/N: This was written as part of the Harry Potter Random Facts Fest. Thank you, Medeusa, for beta reading.

1.) Though I am sentient, I CANNOT tell the Headmaster/Mistress, or anyone else for that matter, the goings on of students. Anyway even if I could, I wouldn't. It's none of the bloody perv's business who's snogging in my towers.

2.) Since I am a co-educational place, when the founders built me, they also placed an anti-fertility spell on me. This way those rampaging hormones do not have the student reproducing like rabbits. (Sadly, I cannot control what goes on outside of my walls.)

3.) The most sexually prolific house, within my walls, is NOT the brave Gryffindors nor the sly Slytherins. No, No that honor goes to Ravenclaw and their insatiable appetite to know EVERYTHING.

4.) I am a CASTLE, not a Crystal Ball. I CANNOT foretell which of the students will try to rule the world.

5.) Yes, I did know about the Chamber of Secrets... but... hello, again, I'm a bloody castle, who could I tell?

6.) Voldemort did not put a curse on the Dark Arts job, I did. This way, I KNOW that if that evil idiot ever gets the job, I will only have to tolerate him for one year.

7.) I do have favorite students. Harry Potter, is one of them. Who doesn't like his cute little arse?

8.) My stairs move because I am worse than Peeves any day. Who do you think showed the Weasley twins the map with the secret passages?

9.) I enjoy watching the students sleep. Did you know Draco Malfoy sleeps with a Care Bear?

10.) I REALLY enjoy watching the boys in the showers. *See fact #7 for reason.*

11.) It was Headmaster Dumbledore's idea to place the pervy pear picture as a kitchen door. I would have happily chosen a naked Snape portrait.

12.) Professor Snape sees more action than the prolific Ravenclaws.

13.) I enjoy watching Professor Snape in 'action'. *See fact #7 for the reason.*

14.) I have seen Tom Riddle nude. Really, it's no wonder he's trying to rule the world, he has to do something to compensate for his lack of masculine pride.

15.) Professor McGonagal enjoys having a midnight _'romp'_ around the castle with Crookshanks.

16.) I have seen Headmaster Dumbledore and Poppy Pomfrey 'perform' way too many times.

17.) The house elves run around in the kitchen nude. *shudders* I hate seeing those tiny little elf buns.

18.) The Room of Requirement will open for anyone... If I'm in the mood that is.

19.) The Bloody Baron was killed by falling down several flights of my stairs after insulting me.

20.) The Chamber of Secrets was NOT Salazar Slytherin's secret room, it was where the founders held their Monthly Orgies.


End file.
